It's Gonna Be Yuge
by WhyCantIFindAName
Summary: Author's Note: This story is political satire, and is thus not meant to be taken seriously. President (T)rump really gets around at the White House. Join the leader of the free world as he embarks on a journey to discover sexuality, true love, and the nuclear codes. WARNING: YAOI! HETEROseXuaL! CraCk FANfiC! SMUT! RomANCE! Political C o r r u p t i o n !1


It's Gonna Be Yuge

Chapter 1: Ivanka, Christie, Devos, Spicer, Huckabee-Sanders, Scaramucci

President Rump moaned loud.

Rump humped.

Rump splurged under his desk in the oral office.

"Okay, Ivodka, you can leave now," he dismissively said in his crooning, sensuous voice.

"Um okeh thanks ddy," a complicit whorish lady mumbled as she left to wash her face.

Rump's deliciously orange skin was glazed with sweat. His rough hands zipped up his slacks. His thinning hair waved in the breeze like wheat, and his eyelids were as pink as pig anuses. Truly, he was a real patriot. An American hero. "Man, it is GOOD to be president, THAT I can tell you."

Suddenly, the door swung open. A lumpy bag of potatoes collapsed to the floor. In a hurry, it brushed off its legs and flashed a sexy pose after adjusting its bra.

"Why hello, Chris Crispy. How are you on this tremendous evening?" Rump asked aloud.

The bag of potatoes spoke. "Why, I'm hungry for you, love. We can go to the beach! I closed it down and it's aaaaaalll ours."

"Temping, tempting," Rump said with a sly smirk. "Why don't you c'mere and, uh…" Rump trailed off. He stood up and ripped his shirt apart, revealing his succulent nipples and yuuuge gut. He looked daddy asf. "Come tear down this bridge, baby."

The bag of potatoes became shy. "Well, I dunno…"

"Don't cockblock me."

"Oh, hun, I'm merely blocking the lanes."

"I love it when you speak in political scandal! BASTE ME LIKE A THANKSGIVING TURKEY."

The bag of potatoes squeeeed and began sucking on Rump's nipples, longing for the milk. Rump moaned in delight. The bag of potatoes rubbed the president's manhood in circular motions.

"Ohhhh, replacing Obamacareee…. destroying Planned Parenthood…." The bag of potatoes moaned in Rump's ear.

This seemed to drive Rump over the edge. He turned the bag of potatoes around and humped it like a goddamned rabbit. "Tell me what you want, what you truly BELIEVE, baby!"

"I believe in accountability," a deliciously low voice sang. The bag of potatoes and Rump looked around and eyed someone standing in the doorway.

There she was: Ditzy DeVos, in a black mini skirt and a white tank top that said 'Love I Education School.'

Rump's smile grew yuuuge as he gazed into her soulless eyes. Her brittle blond hair lay flat against her hollow cheeks. Her teeth were whiter than the garments of the KKK. Indeed, she was a match made in heaven for Rump. Bigly.

"C'mere and join us, Ditzy." Rump cooed.

Ditzy also squeeeeed and jumped in Rump's arms. "Take me, you big grizzly bear!"

The three of them fucked.

Like, hard.

Ditzy worked the balls and the bag of potatoes begged for Rump's cock and the Vice Presidency. They went at it for a solid 5 minutes.

"Here it comes, my minions… it's gonna be yuuuuge." Said Rump.

"Oh, please," pleaded Ditzy, "I want this to last longer than Jeb Bush's campaign!"

But it was too late. Rump's cum ran like a river between the three. Ditzy swallowed it all.

"Oh, my little cream of wheat…" moaned Ditzy DeVos. "What a great president you are!"

Rump grabbed her by the pussy. "Hang on, bitches. I got another load."

Rump squeezed his cock like a fuckin' go-gurt stick and aimed it at the bag of potatoes. The bag of potatoes tried to catch it in its mouth, but completely missed target.

It landed on Melissa McCarthy. The cum landed on his forehead and dribbled down his tight-lipped, punchable face.

"Wow," he exclaimed, "this is the largest load anyone has ever seen, PERIOD."

"C'mere, babe. Add some spice to this hot sandwich." Ditzy whispered, shaking her nonexistent titties.

Melissa McCarthy looked frightened, and jumped out the window. He landed in the bushes and fucking died.

Rump, in disgust and disappointment, looked at the bloody carcass and yelled, "You're fired!" At that precise moment, Anthony Scary-Koochie opened the door and sprinted toward the window. He subsequently dived after Spicer and fucking died.

The door opened yet again. It was Sarah Yuckabitch Sadners. Her left eye cocked slightly to the left, and her pearls wrapped around her thicc neck.

"Ahhh, Sarah. Come join us." Rump said with a smirk.

Sarah said nothing. Drool seeped from her mouth.

"Whaddya say, bitch? Shall we continue this on a later date?" Rump asked the sack of potatoes coyly.

"I'm ready for round eleventy!" Exclaimed Ditzy.

Rump dismissed her. "Nah, but you're welcome to fuck Barron, my son."

"Yaaaas. I LOVE fucking children over!" Ditzy shouted with glee as she skipped out the window, fell, and fucking died.

The bag of potatoes left the room, sashaying across the room as it did so. Rump inhaled sharply through his nose every fucking second that passed. He then decided to roam naked about the White House. His schlongasaurus rex dragged behind him, awaiting the next sexy piece of sycophantic Republican booty.

 **To be continued**

Chapter 2 : Bannon, Pence, McConnell (possibly more)

Chapter 3 (finale): Putin and Kim Jong-Un (possibly more)


End file.
